A single lady in love.

this is me: a single lady but in love. how can that be? i am head over heels in love with my Savior Jesus.

"oh yeah, yeah.. whatever..."

oh but you misunderstand. even if [yes if] i get married [because it is not my highest aim right now] i know that i will not be completely filled even with my husband. i will not be completely satisfied even in my role as a wife. no, it first must come from a love relationship with Jesus because i am so experiencing right now that He must be the only One who satisfies. gahh its not always a fun place to be. but othertimes He is better than any best-date-in-the-world night.

aiming for marriage seemed like something i had my eyes REALLY set on.. hey, its not a bad thing. bahahabahaha.
but now.. my focus is switching. my focus and desires are TRULY being [slowly, bit-by-bit] surrendered on the altar for His flames to consume. if marriage is part of His plan for me, then He is going to have to make it work because there have been friendships with guys that I would have been interested in getting to know so I talked to them.. and nothing came of it. which is for a purpose, but isn't that interesting?

my brothers at the HA were just so great. i miss having guy friendships like that in my life. it was not weird or anything because the intentions were clear: no dating until after the internship. so that made things easier because if something appeared sketch.. it probably wasn't.

so yeah. it is such a different yet beautiful season in my life right now. singleness seems so dreaded and sure, its not all fun, but oh. the lessons one learns is priceless.

I like being a [woman]

For some purposeful reason, I am so excited that I am a woman. We have so much responsibility, righteous power, influence. We as women are so special. A special mandate from Jesus has been given to us as women to raise our kids with Godliness, help our husbands prosper, and make our lives to count. I love what Proverbs has to say about what a noble woman is to her husband: "A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones." Proverbs 12:4. Isn't that awesome? A wife of [noble character] is her husband's [crown]. She completes him, sets hims apart. But a disgraceful wife is decay in his bones.. she slowly deteriorates at him, causing him to not be all that he can be. I have been told that I have been born in the wrong century! bahahaha I LOVE the old English era, where the ladies wore the simple long dresses, and men were men who respected the women.. who by the way were true women. I adore how romance seemed something to desire.. [however there were arranged marriages and where couples married not for love but for money].. haha but hey, it seemed a lot more beautiful than today.. where a man pursued the woman and not vice versa, or something cheap and unreal. I think I would fit it to that time frame. :) A woman holds such influence and power. Power for good or for evil.. the choice is ours. We can either praise and adore our husbands and the men around us, or tear them down with our cutting remarks [which is so easy to do]. It takes [courage] to en[courage] men, but if it did not take something of ourselves, then everyone would be doing it. Encouragement requires selflessness. So I am happy to be a woman who can bring forth life in my words and in my body. Who can choose to be a crown to her a husband, or decay in his bones. It is all about about a choice.

Travel the Road: Mongolia

[Background: Travel the Road is an amazing TV series of two passionate men who go to different parts of the world to spread the Gospel, similar to the Apostle Paul's ministries. They sometimes travel by foot, donkey, camel or whatever transportation they can find!]

Travel the Road went to Mongolia to reach people and it was such an AMAZING episode! ahh. so here is a small blurb from their travels there.

Precious people: the unreached..

So I have been thinking.. about the unreached people in the world.. per my title haha :)

In my college class on Thursday, a guy came in and talked about teaching in China and the work that they do there. He spoke about how in Mongolia they are slowly starting to reach the people there with certain skills. But what caught me was how Mongolia is so young in their faith and so new to Christianity. The numbers are growing now, but the stats are so low when it says how little of the people know about Christ. Many of them are Buddhist or follow another religion.
A reason why many people do not go to Mongolia to spread the Gospel is that it is so cold there with frigid temperatures, and the people are so scattered there that it is a huge and daunting task.. not a very easy one to reach the people.. plus, how does one start to share since they are all over the place and in hilly regions for sure.

But... that just makes me so sad and frustrated. I don't necessarily think that I am specifically called to Mongolia.. but it is so frustrating how so many precious missionaries and mission agencies go to the reached/ easier parts of the world, myself included!! And so many factors come into play of course: money, time, government favor, visas, jobs. Not excuses, just reasons.
But to me that still doesn't downplay it. They still do not know about the One who came to save them and the amazing freedom that it brings that they can have!

The Mission

The line is busy today. Followers from all around gather to hear their Masters’ mission for them. Each person wants to obey and do the task asked of him, but many times trials and obstacles keep him from actually carrying it out. In the end, no one ever completes it on his own. The missions are hard; however some are easy and take no effort at all. Abba knows how much His children can handle.
To even come to the line, the follower obviously loves Jesus through obedience and trust that He will help them start and finish what He asks of them, His Beloved. Other times, though, it is about an encounter with Christ and orders are not even given out.

“Susan Dank,” the Master echoes, softly yet with reverence.
“Yes, Lord. I am here. What would you like me to do?” Susan quivers, for she does not know what He will say.
“I see that you are a busy and precious mom who has many things to do. But I am so honored by your obedience today just to simply come. I want you to go and talk to the new neighbor that moved in right next to you, for she is lonely and does not know me. Can you do this?”
Susan beams and is taken back because this is very doable for her.
“Yes, Master. This task is not too hard for me. However, I cannot walk a single step without your grace, so I still need you. But yes. I will do this. Thank you for using me.”
“Child, I am delighted to see that you even want to be used. My children who have far less to do and are living as they please do not even care what I say, or what I want them to do. I am pleased with you.”

Susan leaves the line, rejoicing that obeying Christ did not mean packing up everything and moving to the mission field. The Master knew that she would be faithful with this small task, and He could give her bigger things in the future.

“David and Ashley Dray,” the Master calls again.
“We are here. What would you like us to do for you?” David replies.
“Seeing your hearts to impact the Nations with my Truth, I am sending you to the vast measure of Romania to start a small church there, to in turn open the natives’ doors to start a church elsewhere as well. Pastor Rumel has been fasting and praying for two years for two people from the United States to come over there and help them. I am sending you two out. You will need one year to raise support, learn some of the language and talk to Rumel and the people there. And then you will go. You will be over there for quite awhile. Your parents will not understand; they will not talk to you the whole time you are over there. Do you still want to go? The road is marked with trials and obstacles hindering you from going. Do you still want to go? Even while over there, the Adversary will hinder you and sometimes steal your joy. Do you still want to go?”
Ashley and David looked at each other, searched one another’s eyes, nodded their head, and looked to the Master.
Ashley replied, “We will go. You have begun preparing us for this very moment years and years in advance. You know this is our dream mission. And you know that we both love you unto death, so we will go. You have given us both power over the Enemy so what can he do to us that you have not yet ordained? And You will continue to give us strength, so what is there to fear if you are with us? But Father.. You will of course help us get the support and continue to supply our needs?
“My son and daughter. Of course I will help you and give you everything you need to go out blindly, yet boldly. I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

And with that, David and Ashley heard what they needed and went out with rejoicing as well.

“Sarah Joy.” The Master smiles, looking at a sweet little girl standing in front of him, with nothing in her hands, nothing to offer Him but herself.
“I am here Daddy.”
Her whole face lights up because she knows who she is talking to.
“What do you want me to do for you Daddy?” She sways her body with eagerness.
The Master pulls her up into His lap and speaks, “Well, my sweetheart. I am so glad that you came to see me today.”
Everything stops as the Father is mesmerized by His daughter’s eager heart just to please Him and do whatever He asks, unsure of what that even means.
“ I see that you have a few pennies at home. In Sunday school, you can give it in the offering and that will make me happy.
“Ok. I can do that! Is there anything else Papa?”
The Master playfully rubs his chin, and scrunches his eyes.
“Nope, I think that is it. But thank you my sweetheart for asking.”
Sarah giggles, jumps off of His lap and scurries away, excited that she can give all she has to please her Daddy.

The line goes on and on and on. Names are read, people are either obedient to the task, half-hearted about it, or disobedient all together. Only the Master sees the heart and knows the true intentions.

“Michael Rimely.” The Master smiles as He reads the name off.
“Here. What do you want?” Michael responds angrily.
“Michael, I am so glad you came. But I did not make you come or drag you here, you came here by yourself. What do you want?”
“I know,” Michael sighs. “ Lord, I am just not feeling my way through life anymore, giddy and happy and full of You. Why? Why are you not with me? Why do you not give me joy and give me the good Christian life? I am here to see if a completed mission would give me something that I am searching for.”
The Master‘s face turns and He looks distraught, yet kind.
“Michael.”
The Master’s way of saying Michael’s name brings fear and awe into his heart.
“Michael. You are concerned about how you feel, how your life is going, why you don’t have joy, why I am not there. But it is not about you, son. It is about me and sharing my heart with others, wherever that mission takes you. I have never left you. Your heart is not in the right place, son. I cannot give you another mission to be faithful with, when I have given you so much already, and you have been unfaithful. I will give you the same mission again that I gave you ten years ago: Go and proclaim my Name and the Gospel of salvation to your unsaved mother and father, Jim at work, and your wife. That may be the hardest mission you think I can give you, but how can I send you somewhere else when your mission field is right here? Can you do it?”
“No! I cannot do it.” Michael cries in frustration and brokenness. “It hasn’t worked!”
“Exactly. You cannot do it. I can. Let me work through you, giving you words to speak and divine appointments. That is why you have not been faithful since you have tried to do it all by yourself, and to be the brave man of valor and obedience that your flesh wants to be. When you allow me to help you live for my Name, then you will experience that joy you crave, and the satisfaction of this life that you need. Then people will see that you are after my heart and that a good reputation is better than anything else”
A light came on in Michael’s head as he realized the simplicity of it all.
“I see. Yes, I will do it then, but only if you help me, and give me everything I need. It becomes an act of faith and obedience then, doesn’t it?”
“Yes, son. It does.”

The long, busy line that never ends is not always about the Father giving His child something to do. That is a huge part of it, but not everything. No, it is where faith meets trust, and love for the Master turns into obedience; and where brokenness before Christ results in freedom.



This was a story I wrote about Followers obeying their Father's plans for them. Obedience, true and beautiful obedience is such a rare thing today.

Life in the :slow: lane

Since coming back from the Honor Academy, where everything is GO GO GO to like the millionth degree.. it has been so slow coming back to home. Back to real life.
As Lizzy in Pride and Prejudice states, "The view from where I sit is rather grey." School and work are going smoothly but its not like the normal excitement in life that I had previously.

I am now in town for my brother's wedding and I was able to visit my precious friends, who are mainly family in my eyes. :) It was so good, yet crazy at the same time.

So my burning passion now is not to waste my days here and my opportunities that I have.. but it is so hard.

I love Jim Elliott. He is such an amazing figure to me. I love his quotes. One of my favorites is:
Live to the hilt.

That is my desire: to live to the hilt and be all there. Wherever "there" is and wherever living for my Jesus takes me.